Monday, December 24, 2012

Sqweel 2

For today's review I'll be looking at the Sqweel 2 by Lovehoney. Click any of the pictures to view the full versions.
Battery Compartment: 

The Sqweel 2 is certainly a unique toy, instead of using vibrations a set of ten little flexible silicone tongues rotate to provide stimulation. These create a repetitive flicking sensation, which I didn't find reminiscent of oral sex. There are three speeds, a forwards and backwards mode, and a back and forth mode. For vulva use, I found the highest speed best, the higher speed also enabled more pressure to be placed upon the Sqweel without it stopping. Personally, I preferred clockwise rotations such that it rotates down my vulva. The slowest speed, the first setting, I found lovely for a ticklish sensation anywhere on the body. It's especially fun to move the Sqweel in the direction that it's rotating. For me there was a little too much lag between the back and forth mode to get anything out of it.

For clitoral use, I found it best to place a water-based lube (I went with Sliquid Sea this time, though I've decided I like Satin better) directly on my skin so the Sqweel would pick up lube while rotating. The Sqweel is a little clunky to hold, and I had problems with keeping the Sqweel at the perfect distance from my clit so it wouldn't slow down when becoming aroused and wanting to press it down. This toy can also be used as a safe way of exploring oral-anal sensations. The motor to run this toy is rather loud, and can be heard through closed doors.

This toy can be used with an insertable toy, I tried with the Cush. I found that I couldn't thrust effectively while using the Sqweel on my clit, and even without thrusting, I kept running into Cush. You can use a still or thrusting anal toy while using Sqweel without problems; I went with the trusty Pure Wand. 

The Sqweel 2 runs off of three AAA batteries, purchased separately. For cleaning, the toy can be taken apart, cleaned with hot water and soap or toy cleaner, dried and reassembled. All in all, I found it more fun to run this toy along my body, especially over my nipples, than use as an "oral sex stimulator". It's certainly a fun foreplay toy, and unique in sensation.

Grade Breakdown: 81

Value: 3/5
 A bit pricey for a foreplay toy, even if unique.
I would certainly pick one up if it was on sale.

Aesthetics: 18/20
The white/pink sqweels are especially cute.
Pleasure: 60/75
Intended Functionality: 0/5
For me, it didn't feel like oral sex.
Reusability: 15/20
It's a bit annoying to clean as it has to be disassembled.
Best Functionality: 45/50
As an automatically rotating tickler.

Thank you Lovehoney!
FTC: Lovehoney provided Sex Toy Review Land with Sqweel 2 free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used,  this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Massage Gel: Havana Nights

For today's review I'll be looking at Heart's Desire Massage Gel by Classic Erotica in the Havana Nights scent. Click any image to see the full version.

On skin:

This gel melts upon contact and turns into a slightly gritty oil. When I first smelt the oil, it smelled dark, lovely, and with a soft floral scent. Unfortunately my massage partner mentioned it smelled like play-doh, and I wasn't able to get that recognition out of my head. Texture-wise it's mostly smooth with a little grittiness. My partner really enjoyed this as the sensations evoked would slightly change at random. As the masseuse, in the beginning I didn't quite like the slight grittiness and I felt like there was something I wanted off my hands. However, the oil absorbed into their skin over time, which made the skin extremely soft and lovely to massage. Before that, the slipperiness lasted for about twenty minutes, though that was using quite a bit of gel. The grittiness can also be avoided by not using a ton of gel at once, so you only texturally have oil. All in all, both my partner and I enjoyed this massage oil. Apparently there are pheromones in this, though neither of us felt like our libido received an extra kick. Regardless, I would recommend this just as a softening oil. 

After use, there is a slightly oily feeling, though this can be easily washed off with soap and water. Should you have an allergic reaction, discontinue use.

The plastic container it comes in has a tight seal, but can be a little messy since the gel melts on contact. Due to the ingredient list, I would not recommend putting this product in any orifices or using it with latex condoms.

Ingredients: Glycine Soja (Soybean) Oil, Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond) Oil, Simmondsia Chinensis (Jojoba) Seed Oil, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, C-12-15 Alkyl Benzoate, 2-Octyl Dodecanol, Dibutyl Lauroyl Glutamide, Dibutyl Ethylhexanoyl Glutamide, Dextrin Palmitate, Macadamia Ternifolia (Macadamia Nut) Seed Oil, Retinyl Palmitate (Vitamin A), Tocopheryl (Vitamin E) Acetate, Copulandrone (Parfum), Copuline-alike (Parfum), Reconstituted Andronone (Parfum), Fragrance (Parfum)

Grade Breakdown: 87 

Value: 4/5 
At Eden Fantasys for just under $13 
I do wish the container was a little nicer,
but it's still worth buying.

Aesthetics: 11/20 
I also didn't really like the look of the container. 

Pleasure: 72/75 
Intended Functionality: 4/5 
Pheromones weren't detected.
Reusability: 19/20 
Don't need to use that much, 
a single jar (3.2oz) will probably last a while.
Messy to remove. 
Best Functionality: 49/50 
The gritty factor when trying to use enough oil for someone's back.   

Thank you Eden Fantasys!

FTC: Eden Fantasys provided Sex Toy Review Land with Havana Nights Massage Gel free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used,  this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Pleasure 1

For today's review I'll be looking at Pleasure 1 by Happy Valley Silicone.

This adorable skinny butt plug is made of pure silicone. The silicone is fairly soft and flexible, it also does not collect much lint. The plug itself measures four inches by seven-eighths of an inch. Thus, the plug feels like a single finger. It inserts easily with a little water-based lube. This plug can be boiled clean, cleaned with a 10% bleach mix, or cleaned with a toy cleaner

I found this plug to be far too skinny to use anally, and slipped out often. People new to anal play may particularly enjoy this toy, as a cute non-threatening first anal plug. Or for anyone who enjoys skinnier plugs, this one is lovely. This plug can also be used for vaginal teasing, though it will need some reinforcement to stay in place.

Happy Valley Silicone also makes larger plugs and dildos, and they're all in gorgeous colors. Much like the CD Vintage Plug, it's simply too small for me, though may be a perfect fit for some people.

Grade Breakdown: 66

Value: 5/5
At Eden Fantasys for just under $16
If you're interested in slim toys or trying anal play, 
this is a great high-quality cheaply priced toy. 

Aesthetics: 17/20
I'd like it a little more if it was more red than orange

Pleasure: 44/75
Intended Functionality: 2/5
For me the shape was too skinny.
Reusability: 20/20
Can be used by anyone with an anus, and is easily cleaned.
Best Functionality: 22/50
It was just too skinny for me.
I don't anticipate using this toy often. 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Tie & Tease Bundle

For today's review I'll be looking at the Tie & Tease Bundle by Bondage Boutique. Click any of the pictures to see a larger version, or click the names to be taken to the individual product pages. This post is rather image heavy, so click through the break to see the whole post!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Cush O2

For today's review I'll be looking at the Cush O2 by Tantus. As usual, click the pictures to see the larger version.


Four Views:

Size Comparison:

You probably got the memo by now, Cush is a rather girthy toy. (If you're looking for a slightly slimmer toy, the Flurry may be more up your alley.) The white material is Tantus's SuperSoft, while the colored core is firmer; together these make a lovely dual density pure silicone dildo. Cush is 1.75" wide, and has 6.5" of insertable awesomeness. This toy is also on the heavy side, and has a decent thud for slapping a [consenting] face or clitoris.

The Cush O2 is straight up, a fabulous dildo. Not only is it aesthetically pleasing, but it's also shaped excellently. Insertion with any water based lube, I went with Sliquid Satin, is comfortable and pleasurable. For vaginal use, I found the head caressed my front vaginal walls and my g-spot perfectly. The second ridge I didn't notice often in vaginal use as the first one would be rubbing against my g-spot; but when I did notice it, it tended to be right inside at my vaginal opening. For anal use, the toy is safe as it has a wide base. I found it worked fine anally, and I certainly felt the second ridge there. The base is a bit heavy and I noticed this more with anal use, and would strain my wrist a bit. This base also makes Cush o-ring harness friendly. Due to Cush's lovely shape, it's also excellent for thrusting. I did not encounter any pain with this dildo, though I'm sure if it was made of a firmer material, my orifices would not have been nearly so happy with it.

For cleaning, one can simply wash it with soap and water, or boil the toy. As Cush is made of silicone, it will attract lint, though not a ton. One can cover Cush with saran wrap to keep it clean between uses.
Grade Breakdown: 98

This is a marvelous dildo. I would definitely buy it if I didn't have it.

Aesthetics: 19/20
For aethetics, I wish the purple was clearer; 
but for texture I really appreciate the thick SuperSoft material.

Pleasure: 74/75
Intended Functionality: 5/5
Also Tantus has a cheeky note on the package that this is a toy that's intended for use. 
Reusability: 20/20 
Can be used alone or with a partner, and is easily cleaned.
Best Functionality: 49/50
The base is a little clunky, and when using alone can tire the wrist.
Otherwise though: everything's excellent. 

Friday, November 2, 2012

Vintage Delight Small Plug

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Vintage Delight Small Plug by Crystal Delights. I finally have a working digital camera, so I figured I'd start out with an extremely gorgeous toy. All images can be clicked for their full version.

Seriously, you should click these to see the big versions. This plug is so, so pretty.

If that didn't convince you that you need to buy a Crystal Delights plug right now, I don't know what will. They're super gorgeous, and can also come with sparkly ends, different colors, or furry tails.

This is by far the most beautiful toy I own, and is always on display instead of in the lovely black pouch it came with. This glass plug can be dropped and will not shatter, which is lovely. The frosted glass turns clear when lube is applied to it, and since it's glass one can use any lube without damaging the toy. For care, it can be simply washed with soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution- one doesn't want to boil this toy because the medallion may get damaged.

For actual use, this plug was unfortunately a little too small for me. The insertable part is 2.8 inches, and the width of the bulb is 1.3 inches. It was certainly fun to wear and admire, it just wasn't quite wide enough for me sexually.

I would highly recommend this toy to anyone who is new to anal play, or enjoys small plugs. Otherwise, I would look into their slightly larger plugs and dildos.

Grade Breakdown: 73

Value: 5/5
On sale at Crystal Delights for just under $85

If you fall into the interested demographic, buy this toy. 
Not only is it completely gorgeous, but it will last forever.

Aesthetics: 20/20

Wins the "most likely to stare at instead of doing work" award.

Pleasure: 48/75
Intended Functionality: 2/5
For me the shape was a little too small.
Reusability: 20/20
Can be used by anyone with an anus, and is easily cleaned.
Can also be paired with other toys for different sensations.
Best Functionality: 26/50
As pretty as this plug is, at the end of the day, it was just too small for me.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Holiday Scalloped Babydoll and G-String

For today's review I'll be looking at Holiday Scalloped Babydoll and G-String by Coquette. This is going to be an image heavy post, and the images can be clicked for their full size version.

On Hanger:

Four Views:
With/Without Bow:
Thong Indent:
Best View:

I have mixed feelings about this magenta, more red than purple, and black set. The top is lovely, and the mesh is surprisingly comfortable and not itchy. However the top is a pain in the neck to get on. There are four little hooks and eyes, and I could only get the top and bottom ones; whenever I went for a middle one, another one would come undone. The top has underwire and light padding. I appreciate that the bow was attached with a safety pin- I personally prefer the set without the bow. The thong was a little tight and bit into my skin. With my body shape, and falling right between Coquette's medium and large, it would have been better to have the large thong, but stick with the medium top. The thong is rather cute though, with magenta and black designs.

The measurements for the piece are as follows, and keep in mind this is for the medium. The bra straps when extended are 15.5", and shortened they are 8.5". The straps are made of a stretchy but sturdy material. The mesh skirt portion is 12.5" long. The babydoll and thong need to be hand washed and hung to dry as they are rather delicate. This set comes with a lovely soft hanger, so it won't get wrinkled when not in use.

I wish Coquette also offered this as a bra and g-string set, as that would just be a little more usable. Lovely as this set is, it won't see the world outside my bedroom. This set is rather comfortable, and given the option to wear it more often, I would.

Grade Breakdown: 84
Value: 3/5
Edenfantasys for $39
This is a little pricey for me, but for the holidays I would splurge.

  Wear-ability: 13/20
Top was a hassle to get on.
Thong bit into skin too much.

Aesthetics: 68/75
Intended Look: 5/5
Very similar to product image.
Reusability: 17/20
Hand-washable. Delicate, and may rip if used in rough play.
Best Look: 46/50
I loved the way the top fit. The thong, not so much.

Thanks EdenFantasys!

FTC: EdenFantasys provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Holiday Scalloped Babydoll and G-String free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Pick-Your-Own-Porn Giveaway!

So, today is a glorious day. I proudly announce Sex Toy Review Land's very first giveaway!

There will be four winners. The grand prize is 100 prepaid minutes of your choice of wonderful porn over at Hot Movies For Her. Three runner-ups will each receive 30 prepaid minutes of whatever porn they so choose. Each of the winners will also receive some cute HMFH buttons and stickers.

I am so excited. HMFH is not only a swell cheap way to get feminist ethical porn, it's also organized extremely well with an extensive tagging system. They have a ton of clips and films, ranging from age differences to hentai to sorority girls to sybian use and so much more. My favorite stars' films are there, which is lovely. {Two being Stoya and Mika Tan.}And most importantly, they have my favorite porn: Tristan Taormino's Chemistry Vol 1.

This giveaway will run until the 20th of November, so that a few of you lucky people have something to be a little extra thankful for this Thanksgiving. I will email the winners, and they will have 72 hours to respond; after that, prizes will be forfeit.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks to Hot Movies For Her for providing the grand prize!

Monday, October 15, 2012


Today I will be looking at Leo, also known as Leoweenie by Vixen Creations.

So, I was thinking of waiting until Halloween to run this post, given that the orange Leo is a Halloween dildo. But that would be silly. What if you read this review on November first and no longer felt justified to purchase an orange dildo with bats? That would just be sad, especially given how gorgeous this limited edition dildo is:

Leo is eight inches long, seven of which are insertable. Leo's diameter is a little over an inch and a half. The dildo currently comes in purple, black, and the obviously superior orange with suspended bats. Made of a squishy pure silicone with some drag, a water-based lube is best. The toy is both fairly flexible and firm. There's a wide base for safe anal play, and for an O-ring harness. This dildo can be cleaned with either a toy cleaner, or soap and water.

Leo is a rather realistic dildo, with an emphasized coronal ridge. This ridge I found especially excellent, as upon removal would press against my g-spot. The dildo has a slight curve such that g-spot or p-spot stimulation is possible. Upon insertion, I found my focus on the head the entire time, as the head is slightly larger and more textured. Leo glided well, and was easy to thrust with. Leo is about half a pound, which is rather fun to swing around in a harness, and to consensually smack someone in the face with.

I wanted to love Leo more though. This is, by far, the most awesome cock I have- there are bats inside it. Occasionally, I just stare at Leo sitting on my shelf and think about how awesome it is. This is slightly unfortunate, as I think I enjoy Leo more conceptually, than as something in my vagina.

Now don't get me wrong- I do like Leo inserted... I'm just not in love with it. So, I will start off and because of the slightly larger head, that's all my nerves focus on for a while. At this point, thrusting doesn't do too much for me, and is a shade painful if I try too hard. Once I work into Leo, say twenty minutes or so later, everything's just dandy. For me, Leo's shape simply isn't ideal. If either the head was less pronounced, or if the shaft was thicker, I would be better off and without an only mildly pleasurable warm-up.

For people who enjoy realistic dildos, and who like more emphasis on the head of the dildo than the shaft- Leo will be just lovely.

Grade Breakdown: 87

Value: 4/5
On sale at Edenfantasys for just over $50
Would I buy this toy for $50? For the bat version: YES. Otherwise: no.

Aesthetics: 19/20
Can attract lint, but not as much as some other silicone products.
{Hint: place it in Saran wrap after cleaning, or in the tube it comes in}

Pleasure: 64/75
Intended Functionality: 4/5
For me the shape was a little off.
Reusability: 20/20
Can be used alone or with a partner, and is easily cleaned.
Best Functionality: 40/50
I found Leo far better for vaginal insertion, though if I had a prostate, I may have had more difficulty deciding. Great g-spot stimulation, a little stiff for hard thrusting.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Siberian Midnights Ring Cami Set

For today's review, I'll be looking at Siberian Midnights Ring Cami Set by Escante. There will be some images in this review as it is lingerie, click the pictures for their full size.



Four Views:

Glossy [flash]:
Matte [no flash]:

Arched Back:

Best View:

I really wanted to adore this set. I love the dark purple with black, with its edgy sexiness. On top of that I love adorable cami-and-thong sets; I like items that are versatile, and can be worn outside of the bedroom. Even better is when a partner begins to associate such an outfit with sexy times, and then you happen to wear the top paired with jeans. So fantastic. 

So I had high hopes for this lil' outfit. Unfortunately, for me, it did not meet them. If you're in between sizes, like I was, definitely go a size up. I'm wearing the medium here, and I should have gone with the large. I also found the top to be a little too short to be worn just as a top. Since the top was a little small on me, it was rather unflattering around my belly. I would have expected the slightly constricting material to be a little more flattering, but it wasn't. The thong on the other hand, was rather comfortable and didn't noticeably press into me. It didn't photograph too well here, but the thong is black with a dark purple crotch area, and it has a black pantyliner. It's pretty cute.

This outfit is made out of polyester, nylon, and elastic. It should be hand washed cold, and line dried. The eden fantasys page states there is silk in this outfit, and that is false.

I would definitely recommend this set to people who are both comfortable in their own body, and are willing to go up a size.

Grade Breakdown: 61
Value: 2/5
Edenfantasys for $29
If this was in the $15 or less price-range, I would buy it as a sexy-around-the-house get-up.

  Wear-ability: 10/20
The outside part of the outfit felt nicer than the inside.
A little tight, top not comfortable.

Aesthetics: 49/75
Intended Look: 4/5
Similar to product image, however the front section curves down.
Reusability: 15/20
Hand-washable. Doesn't seem like it will rip soon.
Can be squished into a tiny ball for travel.
Best Look: 30/50
Perhaps if I had a size up I would have felt more comfortable and sexy in this outfit.

Thanks Eden Fantasys!

FTC: Eden Fantasys provided Sex Toy Review Land with Siberian Midnights Ring Cami Set free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Lace Strappy Bra and G-String

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Lace Strappy Bra and G-String Set by Legs Avenue. As a head's up now, there will be images of me wearing said lingerie. So if nipples scare you, now would be a good time to exit. This is going to be an image heavy review- woo-hoo! {All images can be clicked for the full version, sorry about the low quality.}
Envelop lingerie was shipped in:
Front and Back of Packaging:
Plastic Bag Inside:
Lace G-String:
Lace Bra:
Center can be lengthened/shortened:
Tag on Bra {easy to cut off without ruining bra}:
Four Views {click to expand}:
Best View:
Close Up on Top:

Between these two pieces, I preferred the top. All in all I found this nylon set a shade too tight, and cut into my skin a little too deep for my liking. On the side view pictures, you can see how much it is cutting into my behind. So definitely not a set to wear for extended amounts of time! As a sexy little get-up to come off quickly though? It works excellently. The g-string gets in the way of any comfortable penetration, but is perfect to wear while being spanked! There isn't much material, yet it's rather flattering.

I wear a 36C bra, and found the top portion fit snugly. The size chart claims this set will fit: Bust 32-38, Waist 23-29, Hips 34-40, Dress Size 6-12, and Cup Size A-C. I think this would fit people almost any breast size, and a dress/skirt size twelve or under. Overall, I think this set would be flattering to most bodies who fit the size requirements.

This set is rather delicate and should be washed by hand. I liked the design of the g-string quite a bit, unfortunately it just bit into my butt too much!

Grade Breakdown: 76
Value: 2/5
Edenfantasys for $18
If this was in the $10 or less price-range, I would buy it as a fun foreplay outfit.

  Wear-ability: 8/20
Sunk into body a little too much.
Very uncomfortable after a half hour.

Aesthetics: 66/75
Intended Look: 5/5
Very similar to product image!
Reusability: 11/20
Hand-washable. Delicate, feels like may rip.
Can be squished into a tiny ball for travel.
Best Look: 50/50
This is a hot little number. Looks-wise, I have no complaints.
I found the dangly bands attached to the g-string rather coy.
It made me feel sexy.