Orc

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Orc by Damn Average. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

Size Comparison:

Base:

 Sides:

 Top Piercings:

 Bottom Piercings:

 Marble close-up/lint magnet:

Of the four Damn Average toys I've tested, the Orc is by far my favorite. If you were curious about the Flint's bumps, but worried about size, this toy is a great option. The Orc is one of those lovely toys that looks like a moderate size, but feels far girthier. Its insertable length is 5.4", and at widest its circumference hits 6.25". This toy is covered in piercings, with three ladder piercings, a prince albert, and a pubic bar. These nubs are very noticeable even in super soft, and I imagine would be even more stimulating in soft or hard.

Damn Average can do most things regarding color, whether it's glow-in-the-dark, striped, marbled, and/or metallic. I really love how this loose blue, salmon, and white marble came out. This toy especially showcases an intense level of realistic detail- from delicate wrinkles around the piercings and foreskin, to slightly uneven balls, and to the lovely veins.

During vaginal use, the ladder piercings quickly became the best feature of the Orc. These six nubs are fantastic for massaging vaginal walls and evoking gushing, and I assume would also do well anally. The super soft firmness I found to be too floppy for anal, and would suggest going with soft if you're considering anal use. The super soft firmness is however great for thrusting as quickly or as hard as one can without it causing any discomfort. It's also soft enough to use with any menstrual cycles or with sleep play. The middle portion of this dildo swells slightly to create a filling sensation, and the pubic bar piercing works well to grind against. The balls are also heavy enough to slap, and they tended to hit my perineum. I found the Orc to work well alone, and also well as a toy to prep for larger dildos. If you're specifically interested in stretch, the Orc's shaft may be a little too short, and you should check out Rudolph.

Currently Damn Average is on hiatus for creating custom toys, so if you're interested, you'll want to snatch up the last in-stock Orc.

Grade Breakdown: 93

Value: 4/5

$70

Aesthetics: 20/20

I am so in love with this marble,

I'll eventually get my nails to match it.

Pleasure: 69/75

Intended Functionality: 5/5

Reusability: 14/20

Super soft is the lint-iest of the firmnesses.

For cleaning, soap and water or boiling will do.

Best Functionality: 50/50

Super awesome for quick thrusting.

Thanks Damn Average!

 

FTC: Damn Average provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Orc free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC. 

Flint

For today's review, I'll be looking at Flint by Bad Dragon. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 Sides:

Head:
(or pretty sparkles and lint:)

Base:

Flint is a monster.¹ The dildo pictured above is a small. This is the first Bad Dragon toy I've disagreed with their sizing on. Due to its width, at two and a half inches, I'd classify it as a medium even if it is short enough to pass off as a small. Below are the specs for the small and the three even larger sizes:

Dimensions (inches)	Small	Medium	Large	Extra Large
Total Length	7.00	8.50	11.00	13.00
Usable Length	5.50	6.50	8.50	10.00
Circumference of Shaft	7.50	9.00	11.13	13.50
Diameter of Shaft	2.50	3.00	3.25	4.25
Circumference of Head	5.50	6.25	7.25	8.75

Like all Bad Dragon toys, there are a ton of customizable features. To start with, there are three different firmnesses: soft, medium, and hard. I went with the medium firmness to make sure I'd be able to feel the studs, but still have some squish. Generally I'd recommend the medium firmness, but if you are worried about Flint's girth, then soft is the way to go. At this time, Flint does not have a suction cup in any size. Cumtubes are available in all sizes though, which come with a bottle of cumlube. For coloration, almost anything can be done with marbles, stripes, metallics, and glow in the dark. Flint does have some rather lovely toy-specific colors, which you can view here. My Flint is in Sinister Pumpkin, a super gorgeous orange/blue-black marble, and it even has a bowler hat². This color can in fact be ordered at any time of year, as a blank custom marble with a comment on the checkout page that the toy is intended to be Sinister Pumpkin.

Though Flint certainly needed lube, due to the lack of knot and gradual size increase I only needed four drops. This is a smooth hefty toy, and has a solid base for gripping. The scales/plates are as fabulous as they look, especially for textured thrusting. The foreskin was also fairly noticeable, and my vagina focused on it rather than the tip of the head during penetration. Luckily for myself, Flint's foreskin did not pop under my pubic bone, but I expect for some vulva owning users, Flint may. The middle has a slight bulge to ensure a full feeling. This toy also has a few fun rivulets, such as the two near the top of the base for bottoming-out easily³. My favorite thing about the Flint, is that it not only stretches, but is also easy to take entirely. As much as I love Bad Dragon's Bruiser and Xar, both of them take a while to engulf. Flint can actually be used for a quick session. This toy also gives a strong feeling of emptiness or stretchiness after being removed. Flint is safe for anal use, though far too large for myself. All in all, this is certainly a lovely toy for size queens.

Coming out of the Bad Dragon Labs, this was the first staff pick chosen for full production. The sketches there are fun to browse, and if inspired, you can submit a design for a new Bad Dragon toy!  

¹ Wait...haven't I already started a review like this?  

³ Note: easily as the width wasn't too much for me. I would not recommend this toy to people who have not tried two inch wide dildos or larger.

 

Grade Breakdown: 96

Value: 4/5

Premade Cheaper Flints or Create-Your-Own

Aesthetics: 20/20

I am in love with this marble.

Pleasure: 72/75

Intended Pleasure: 5/5

Reusability: 17/20

Like many silicone toys, Flint is a lint magnet.

Also due to Flint's width, I could not use it doggy-style.

Best Functionality: 50/50

Stretching and feeling like your orifice is such a champ.

Thanks Bad Dragon!

FTC: Bad Dragon provided Sex Toy Review Land with Flint free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Joque

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Joque by Spareparts. As always, click any image to see the larger version!

Front:

 Back:

 With Leo:

The Joque is a light double strap vegan harness that allows for two bullet vibrators and a dildo. The back is a giant adjustable velcro strap for easy putting on and taking off. The leg straps can also adjust significantly, and have sharp little teeth so they remain stable. This harness comes in black, white, red, pink, blue, and purple.

The double strap style allows for anal play while wearing the harness, and also creates some cute butt cleavage. This style also allows you to fit snugly in the harness, and for it to remain fitting you even if your weight fluctuates, or to potentially fit a partner. I've found this harness very comfortable to wear on its own, or on top of leggings or underwear. Given how comfortable it is, someone could pack with it, or use Pete to pack a little more securely. Joque thrusts extremely well, and follows your hip movements perfectly due to the snugly fitting straps. Since it is made of fabric, vulva-owning users will be able to feel every thrust they make- which can get a shade distracting. (Cock-owners may want to check out the Deuce harness.)

This harness can be used with a double ended dildo, such as the Tango, as long as you slide the inner fabric to the side. When using a typical dildo, this fabric covers the base of the dildo to avoid chaffing. There are two spots for bullet vibrators, these are mostly for the person wearing the harness though the receiver may feel some faint vibrations. Joque can be hand washed, or in a washing machine with delicates. 

Sizing

Size A:

Belt- 20-50 inches

Leg Straps- 10-16 inches

Size B:

Belt- 35-65 inches

Leg Straps- 14-24 inches

O-Ring:

Diameter- 1.25-2 inches

Circumference- 3.92-6.28 inches

The Joque comes in a lovely storage pouch, and comes with a one-year warranty. All in all this is a comfortable and flexible harness, and would make a great first harness.

Grade Breakdown: 93

Value: 3/5

$105

It's certainly pricey, 

if you can snag one on sale somewhere certainly do that.

Aesthetics: 15/20

The all white one is pretty sexy,

the other colors I'm fairly 'meh' on.

Pleasure: 75/75

Intended Functionality: 5/5

Lovely harness.

Reusability: 20/20

Can easily clean any bodily fluids or lube off of it.

Best Functionality: 50/50

As a play harness,

I can't think of any functional drawbacks.

Thanks Spareparts!

FTC: Spareparts provided Sex Toy Review Land withe the Joque free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

God's Immaculate Rod

For today's review, I'll be looking at God's Immaculate Rod by Divine Interventions. Click any of the images to see a larger version!

Sides:

Size Comparison:

This divining rod will not only locate the nearest source of fluids, but also procure them. Poor puns out of the way, this lovely dildo is simply fantastic. Like the Devil this Divine Interventions toy is excellently textured; however this toy has no sharp points, and boasts six defined ribs and four noteworthy nubs. God's Immaculate Rod has a smooth curve, and is a fairly modest appearing dildo. It comes in either a marbled red or a marbled purple.

I found the shape lent itself more to small movements rather than thrusts. Most of the dildo is smooth, and every raised texture is essential. The nubs are perfectly placed for g-spot stimulation, and thus caused lots of squirting. The ribs provide sensation along the sides of the vaginal canal, which is especially defined when moving or doing kegels. Even though this toy isn't that large, 1.5 inches in diameter and 6.5 inches in height, the curve makes you feel full. Not much lube is needed with this toy, though it does need to be water, not silicone, based like the Holy Water Lube. I would not recommend using this toy anally, it doesn't have a very distinct base to keep from complete insertion and a trip to the emergency room.

God's Immaculate Rod can be cleaned by boiling, dish washing, or hand washing. This silicone toy does collect a bit of lint, so I would advise covering it in saran wrap between cleanings.

All in all, this is a fabulously textured g-spot dildo. For anyone who wants to squirt or find their g-spot, or just scream "Oh My God!" to their dildo, God's Immaculate Rod is a great find. 

Grade Breakdown: 96

Value: 5/5

At Divine Interventions for $50

Worth it.

Aesthetics: 19/20

Lovely- can also be made in purple.

Pleasure: 72/75

Intended Functionality: 4/5

Not so great for thrusting.

Reusability: 18/20

Lint magnet.

Best Functionality: 50/50

As a dildo to invoke squirting.

Thank you Divine Interventions!

FTC: Divine Interventions provided Sex Toy Review Land with God's Immaculate Rod free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Share

Today I'll be looking at Fun Factory's Share, a lovely double ended dildo.

This is hands down my favorite toy that I currently own. This toy is wonderful for jacking off, gender play, and partner play. The Share comes in purple, pink, and black. Share is nine inches long, one end has a little over six inches of insertable length, and the other end is a little over four inches. Both ends are fairly thick, with circumferences of five and a half inches and five and three-quarter inches. Share is made of Fun Factory's pure silicone, so it's firm but still has lots of squishy-ness and flexibility. This also means Share is a lint magnet though, and needs plenty of water-based lube.

Share is a fairly versatile toy, and I'll begin with the ways Share can be used by one body. Anyone can use either end of Share anally. Though Share doesn't have a flange, the way it's shaped ensures the toy will not become lost in your butt and require a trip to the emergency room. I found the cock-shaped side to be better for anal penetration, and fairly comfortable as the pure silicone is velvety. The shaft feels like a fairly average filling, though not stretching, dildo. For vaginal owners, they can use the realistic side alone as a dildo with a handle. I did not find that there was enough curvature on the shaft for g-spot stimulation, though there is a pleasurable ridge on the glans of the dildo. Another use, and this one is what I think makes Share truly awesome, is vaginal owners can insert the bulb end and jack off. There are of course other double ended toys that one can do this with, however Share does it way better. First of all, the bulb pressed right up against my g-spot and was very comfortable in my vagina. The toy did not slip at all, though as a disclaimer, I do kegel exercises fairly regularly, and that probably helped. The base of the realistic dildo pressed against my clitoris in a very pleasing way. Jacking off with this toy was thus extremely pleasurable, and stimulated both my clitoris and g-spot. This makes the toy extra-desirable to any vaginal owner who wants to play with their own cock while getting off, or anyone interested in gender play.

Share can also be used for two people with whatever combination of orifices and/or hands. Since the bulb is shaped so well, I found it mostly stayed put during thrusting. I do a fair amount of kegels, and had no problems with the bulb slipping for standing or thrusting into a well-lubricated orifice. When met with high resistance, or a non-lubricated orifice, the bulb began to slip, though it didn't fall out. If this is a worry, one could use an O-ring harness, or their fingers, as a safety net. As Share is made from firm, yet pliable, silicone the shaft of the dildo stood up firm when the bulb was inserted, and there was no droopiness.

Share's silicone texture has quite a bit of drag. One can either use a ton of water-based lube with the toy, or cover the end[s] you're using with a condom[s], and need far less lube. Share has two veins on the underside of the penis end, which provide lovely sensations and ease insertion.

The Share can be boiled or tossed in the dishwasher after use. If used alone or with condoms, then Share can be easily cleaned with soap and warm water, or a toy cleaner.

Grade Breakdown: 95

Value: 4/5
Edenfantasys for just over $100
Would I buy this toy for $100? After a birthday or holiday that involves family members giving me money- yes. Otherwise, probably not.
Is it worth the $100? Yes.

Aesthetics: 16/20
The Share is pretty enough, but at first glance may be intimidating.
Fun Factory silicone attracts a ton of lint and is hard to keep clean.
{Hint: place it in Saran wrap after cleaning}

Pleasure: 75/75

Intended Functionality: 5/5
Partner Play: Excellent

Reusability: 20/20
This toy is fairly versatile, and can be tossed in the dishwasher between uses.

Best Functionality: 50/50
Jacking off with the Share is by far it's best use.

I would have bought the Share just for solo play.