Sqweel Go

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Sqweel Go by Lovehoney. This is the latest iteration of the Sqweel, and I have the Sqweel 2 review here. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 Sides:

Versus the Sqweel 2:

 Bottom/charging point:

 In motion:

The Sqweel Go¹ was a very pleasant surprise for me- I was initially worried that due to it's tiny size it simply wouldn't cut it. Instead, it quickly became my favored Sqweel. At around three inches long, it's half the size of my palm and very easy to manipulate. Although it's loud for a toy its size, in the grand scheme of things, it's a reasonable volume. This Sqweel has three speeds and three patterns, and charges via usb port. It charges for two hours for an hour of play, and glows blue while charging. The wheel does not detach for sterilization like in the previous two versions; this is unfortunate as it would probably make for a great rimming toy. This toy requires a ton of water-based lube for it's size, and the easiest application is to roll the Sqweel through a palm full of lube.²  

As with the previous Sqweels, though they are marketed as oral sex stimulators, they simply don't feel like it.³ This Sqweel is especially great at nipple stimulation and piercing stimulation. In fact if it weren't for my vch piercing, I doubt I would have enjoyed this toy simply as a foreplay tool. With my piercing out, I found the Sqweel Go to be too featherlight for any notable orgasms. Unfortunately I don't have any other piercings to compare it to, but the Sqweel Go is the only external vibrator I've used so far that is purely pleasurable against my piercing.

Unfortunately the Sqweel Go still has a major pitfall that the other Sqweels have- when pressure is applied, it stops rotating. Though this Sqweel is a little faster than the Sqweel 2, it's still not strong enough to withstand moving hips. Unless you're really into edge play, this is one of the most annoying faults when approaching orgasm. It's also fairly difficult to clean as the wheel doesn't detach. The tininess of the tongues also cover less area than previous sqweels, which may be unattractive to some users. Due to its small size though, it can be used easily with insertable toys. The Sqweel Go is not waterproof, though it is splash proof, so cleaning needs to be done carefully to avoid water getting in the motor. Cleaning the tongues with a toothbrush and then washing them off by rotation under running water seems to be the best way to clean this toy. Alternatively one could use a toy cleaner or wipes.

All in all, the Sqweel 2 is a better bet if you're looking for a toy to stimulate rimming or want larger areas covered, and you don't mind a loud toy. The Sqweel Go is superior for foreplay- especially nipple play, using with other toys, and piercing stimulation. 

¹ I can't stop imagining a small dog named Sqweel, and yelling at the dog to go fetch something.  
² Please use lube with this toy. It's not worth the awkward dry tugs and pulls to save a few drops of lube.
³ I'm betting on the lack of warmth, breath, and that the ten tongues can only rotate rather than do randomized motions.

Grade Breakdown: 90

Value: 3/5

$60
A bit pricey, and the
same cost as the Sqweel 2.

Aesthetics: 19/20

Pretty adorable.

Pleasure: 68/75

Intended Functionality: 0/5

Simply doesn't feel like oral sex.

Reusability: 18/20

A bit annoying to clean.

Best Functionality: 50/50

It's perfect for piercing stimulation.
I have all the happy feels regarding this.

Thanks Lovehoney!

FTC: Lovehoney provided Sex Toy Review Land with Sqweel Go free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used,  this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Alien

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Alien by Damn Average. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 Sides:

 Base:

Size comparisons:
(God's Immaculate Rod, Leo, Satin)

This gorgeous beast is the first of the Damn Average set I'll be reviewing. Aliens can be custom ordered, or chosen if in stock.¹ Colors and firmnesses are customizable for all Damn Average toys. For color, any solid color (including metallic and glow-in-the-dark) or two-color marble is included in the custom cost. Additional colors, fades, gradients, and stripes can all be purchased as add-ons. For firmness levels, there is hard, soft, and super soft. Damn Average runner, Sheep, describes hard as being comparable to salami, soft as partly stale gummy candy, and super soft as similar to Bad Dragon's soft. Though I agree with the first two, I found the super soft a little softer than Bad Dragon's soft. With this Alien, I went with soft, which was definitely the right decision, and what I'd recommend. The soft was gentle enough so that none of the barbs caught or caused later soreness, and it was firm enough to appreciate all the bumps and ridges.

I preferred this toy for vaginal use, it's ridges massaged my vaginal walls, and the base is great to grind against. The ridges also make for fabulous thrusting, and can invoke squirting. However given the small base and short length of the dildo (five and a quarter inches), the base becomes slippery rather easily, and harder to thrust quickly with. Personally, I found it too textured for anal play, but if inclined, it does have just enough of a base for safe anal play.

As with any pure silicone toy, the Alien can be boiled clean, hand washed, or cleaned with a toy cleaner. Damn Average's silicone is a complete lint magnet, and requires cleaning pretty much right before use. I found a few random pinprick sized raised bumps, but these didn't have any negative impact during use.

¹Right now there's a gorgeous soft indigo/black marble in stock, someone needs to buy it.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 5/5

$40 regularly

30% off in-stocks during Black Friday sale

Aesthetics: 20/20

This is such a super gorgeous tight marble.

(another wicked pretty example of DA's marbles)

Pleasure: 67/75

Intended Functionality: 4/5

Reusability: 17/20

Lint-magnet.

Best Functionality: 46/50

My only function-based complaint

is that the base doesn't work well for fast thrusting.

Thanks Damn Average!

FTC: Damn Average provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Alien free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Brief

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Brief by RodeoH. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 Flat:

 Front/Back:

 Down:

 With Countess Clit:

 With the Gryphon:

With Leo/Bat Cock:

The Brief is a close fitting harness that avoids any of the hassle or awkwardness of straps. This easy-on harness is comfortable for short term or long term wear, making it a lovely choice for packing or substituting for underwear. Depending on how the Brief fits you dictates if you can switch dildos while wearing, naturally it is harder to do this with thicker dildos. There are nine different sizes, to ensure a close fit. The O-ring is non-interchangeable, and has a bit of stretch, but not that much. The ring has a diameter of one and a half inches, and can take slightly larger dildos/plugs if they are squishy.

Heavier dildos will droop and not be supported as well, making accurate movements more difficult. Users that only have experience with strap harnesses may find this harness a bit unwieldy at first. Due to the required tightness of this harness, it works best for vulva owners. There is a layer of material for a toy's base to avoid any chafing while the giver is thrusting.  

This is a definitely the sexiest harness I own.¹ From the small splashes of red, to wearing it with low cut jeans so the lettering is visible, it's a blast. It also came with a RodeoH dogtag necklace, which is fun to wear around, especially if a partner has sexy associations with it.

¹ This shouldn't be surprising, given their really pretty ads and tumblr.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 4/5

At $45, it's an affordable first harness.

Aesthetics: 19/20

I really dig it, and the black/gray, red, 

and camo versions aren't too shabby either.

Pleasure: 69/75

Intended Functionality: 4/5

A lovely play harness, with minimal material 

between your partner and yourself.

Reusability: 20/20

Machine washable.

Best Functionality: 45/50

As a play harness it's lovely.

Unfortunately the o-ring can't be exchanged 

for a wider one, to accommodate a larger range of dildos/plugs.

Thank you RodeoH!

FTC: RodeoH provided Sex Toy Review Land withe the Brief free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Xar the Karabos

For today's review, I'll be looking at Xar by Bad Dragon. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

Side:

Suction cup base:

 Suctioned:

 Shaft:

Compared to a medium gryphon and medium bruiser:

Xar is a monster. A glorious monster to be sure, but a monster made of silicone all the same. This hefty two-pound¹ beast is excellent to place weight on orifices or consensually slap people with. This Xar is a medium, but they also come slightly smaller, and much, much larger- see the dimensions chart below.

Dimensions (inches)	Small	Medium	Large	Extra Large
Diameter of Head	1.50	1.90	2.40	2.90
Circumference of Head	5.00	5.75	7.20	9.00
Diameter of Shaft	1.50	1.75	2.15	2.80
Circumference of Shaft	5.00	5.90	7.30	9.40
Diameter of Knot	2.20	2.60	3.20	4.10
Circumference of Knot	6.90	8.20	10.00	13.00
Usable Length	5.50	6.50	8.00	10.30
Total Length	6.70	7.90	9.70	12.50

For firmness, I decided to do the wide split. This means that the shaft is a soft firmness and the base is firm; for myself and this size, this was the best possible firmness. The soft squishy shaft allowed me to insert far more than I could have if it were a medium or firm. And the firm base allowed for textured friction, and stiffer ridges. Alternatively one can get a medium/firm split, or entirely soft, medium, or firm.

Color-wise, I went with surprise me with a note to go crazy. I'm very pleased with the level of crazy achieved; the base is a sea foam green sheen with brown poking through in places and the shaft has a blue and golden marbling. Bad Dragon can do any custom color(s), marbling, splits, metallics and glow-in-the-dark. The flops page has toys with minor defects, and some are very cool looking franken pours². This month, there's a lovely metallic orange and black marbling called sinister pumpkin for Halloween.

You can also get either a cum tube or suction cup with Xar, and if you go with the extra large size, you can get both. I went with the suction cup as I like having dragon dildos hanging on my walls. Suction cups are also great if you want to stabilize shower play. On the flip side, a cum tube makes sure you stay properly lubricated and makes for awesome lube fights. And with the Xar, lots of water-based lube is necessary with its bumps and huge knot.

Bad Dragon now also offers character print images, and prompts the option when creating a toy. If you'd rather get a ready-made toy, there are currently many black Xars in stock and a brilliant crimson one.

Xar is not a toy I would recommend to anyone starting out with insertion play. For a more common size comparison, Xar's knot is a little over half an inch wider than Maverick. This feels like the widest dildo I currently own, and is always a delightful challenge. My medium Bruiser is actually a little bit wider, but as its shaft is thinner, it's easier to knot. For the stretchy and adventurous, Xar is a lovely dildo. It has a rounder top, interesting divots, and tons of texture around the base. Its fun base makes it both harness and anal friendly. I only used this dildo vaginally, and happily its head did not hook or pop under my pubic bone, which may have been because it was cast soft. With its almost conical shape, it's a fantastic dildo for doggy style, and in that position I found it easiest to hit my g-spot. 

¹ I'm going by the shipping package weight. I don't have a scale, but I totally trust fedex.
² This page is updated every Friday, Flop Friday.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 4/5

Premade cheaper Xars, or create-your-own.

Aesthetics: 20/20 

 My preciousssss.

Pleasure: 68/75

Intended Functionality: 5/5

Reusability: 17/20

 Needs to be cleaned often or kept in saran wrap, lint-magnet.

Best Functionality: 46/50

 For size-queen-ing and doggy.

Thank you Bad Dragon!

FTC: Bad Dragon provided Sex Toy Review Land with Xar the Karabos free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of my opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC. 

Little Rooster

For today's review I'll be looking at the Little Rooster, a vibrating alarm cock. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

Front:

 Side:

 Back:

With thirty different levels of vibration to wake you up, the Little Rooster can rouse any vulva owner from sleeping. This toy is made of hard plastic, and is worn completely externally in a pair of panties. The flat base rests against one's pubic bone, and the vibrating stem against one's labia. The toy stays in place surprisingly well, and does not move even if one moves a lot while sleeping. The Little Rooster has both a play setting, to be used like an average bullet vibrator, and an alarm mode to wake one up.

Though the Little Rooster certainly makes waking up more pleasant, it does not make it any easier. The toy starts off at the vibration level you choose, increasing in intensity over time, and remaining at the highest level you specify for eight minutes before shutting off and beeping. At any point during this, a snooze button can be pushed and all vibrations will cease for ten minutes. For myself, having an orgasm that close to waking up just puts me back to sleep. Luckily, this toy is also excellent in its own right. The first twenty-six levels of vibration are almost silent, making this a great choice for anyone who wants to subtly engage in public play. As the Little Rooster stays in place, even while thrusting, it can also be worn with some harnesses, such as the Joque. This was my favorite use of the vibrator, as other bullet vibes must be put in pockets and thus have their vibrations dimmed, the Little Rooster can go directly between the harness and flesh.

The Little Rooster recharges via USB connection, and can be cleaned by wiping it down with a toy cleaner or warm water and soap. Be sure to avoid cleaning the open port, and not to fully submerge this vibrator in water. This toy comes with a thorough and clear instruction manual, and also a small storage bag.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 3/5

$69 each, or $269 for six ($45 each)

$45 is the perfect price for this toy,

and if you have five friends who are down, definitely do that.

At seventy, if you're really into the concept,

and think it'll work for you, it may be worth it.

Aesthetics: 17/20

It's sleek, and the purple version is pretty.

Pleasure: 72/75

Intended Functionality: 2/5

Fun way to wake up, unfortunately didn't keep me up.

Reusability: 20/20

Easy to clean, can be used in many different situations.

Best Functionality: 50/50

Being used with a harness.

Thanks Gallus et Mulier!

FTC: Gallus et Mulier provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Little Rooster free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Gryphon

For today's review, I'll be looking at the Gryphon by Bad Dragon. Bad Dragon creates fantastic toys for furverts and/or people who want unique toy shapes. As always click any image to see a larger version!

D1

For today's review, I'll be looking at D1 by Maia. Click any image to see a larger version!

Colors:

 Suction Cupped:

This medical grade silicone¹ dildo is rather girthy, checking in around 1.6 inches wide. This is especially dramatic as the silicone is very stiff and has almost no squish. The two ridges are angled perfectly to create a feeling of fullness. Unfortunately, the way they are angled creates a pop whenever passing the pubic bone. Thus I found large thrusts rather uncomfortable with this dildo, though minor thrusts were fine and pressed against my g-spot. Due to its firmness and width, be sure to use a lot of water-based lube with this toy.

The D1 comes in neon pink and purple. The bottom is a suction cup, which works well on flat surfaces. As the D1 has a base, it's both harness compatible and anally safe. The thin base also manipulates well with one hand. Like most Maia toys, the D1 comes with a bright drawstring bag that matches the color of the toy.

For cleaning, warm water and soap, toycleaner, using a 10% bleach solution, or boiling will all do the trick. Even though this is a silicone dildo, it doesn't attract lint which is lovely. All in all, I would not recommend the D1 unless you really enjoy girthy toys, especially as it is very firm with almost no give. Though if you like girthy, firm, and textured toys- this is definitely one to consider.

¹ Passed a flame test. 

 Grade Breakdown: 90

Value: 5/5

On Amazon:

Pink or Purple: $26

Rather cheap.

Aesthetics: 19/20

The neon pink is super bright.

Pleasure: 66/75

Intended Functionality: 3/5

Doesn't do large thrusts well.

Reusability: 20/20

Easy to clean.

Best Functionality: 43/50

Jiggling against g-spot.

Thank you Maia!

FTC: Maia provided Sex Toy Review Land with the D1 free of charge. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.  

Chico

For today's review, I'll be looking at Chico by Bad Dragon. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 Tip:

 Front and back:

End:

 Some colors (red and black can be chosen):

 With syringe attached:

 Dribbling (far away dark spot was from a quick squirt!):

The Chico is an adorable miniature dildo designed for lubrication. Using the syringe it comes with, one can squirt up to 60mL or two ounces of lube at once! The Chico is made of pure silicone though¹, so you only want to use water-based lubricants. For color options, the Chico can come in red, black, or surprise me. Bad Dragon also offers a miniature Seadragon if you want to go the fantasy route. And perhaps in the future they will miniaturize other toys.

At three inches, this toy is meant for fun, teasing, and preparation. However, if you have a particularly small vaginal canal, or if you have pain associated with penetration, this may be an especially lovely little toy. Generally speaking this toy is better for anal preparation as it's more noticeable, and more important as the anus is not self-lubricating. Usually I would not advise this toy for anal as the base isn't very dramatic, however given there is a tube attached one should be fine, though caution is advised. Unlike larger Bad Dragon toys, this one only comes in firm, though it still has some squish.

For squirting, I found the simplest way to fill up the syringe and then attach Chico's tube to it. Depending on the speed behind one's push, the Chico can squirt an entire syringe within seconds, or dribble lube out over time. Bad Dragon's Cumlube works perfectly for this, and is conveniently sold in bottles of 250mL or eight ounces, so you don't run out of lube after playtime. Also keep in mind, you don't have to completely fill the syringe up, you can do smaller amounts to conserve lube.

For cleaning warm soapy water will do the trick, though cleaning in a tub or outside is better than the sink so you don't make a mess. The syringe is mostly hard plastic and can also be cleaned with warm soapy water. The end of the pushing part is porous, so although it can be used multiple times with the same person, I would not share syringes.

¹ Passed a flame test.

Grade Breakdown: 90

  

Value: 2/5

$35 or less if from Adoptions

This is a rather fun but expensive lube shooter.

Aesthetics: 19/20

Very cute, though it can't stand due to the cum tube.

Pleasure: 69/75

Intended Functionality: 5/5

Applies lube.

Reusability: 19/20

The tube can be a shade annoying to pump water through when cleaning.

Best Functionality: 45/50

As an anal lube applicator- thus I really wish it had a wider base.

Thank you Bad Dragon!

FTC: Bad Dragon provided Sex Toy Review Land with Chico free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.