Tuesday, May 28, 2013


For today's review, I'll be looking at the Joque by Spareparts. As always, click any image to see the larger version!

 With Leo:

The Joque is a light double strap vegan harness that allows for two bullet vibrators and a dildo. The back is a giant adjustable velcro strap for easy putting on and taking off. The leg straps can also adjust significantly, and have sharp little teeth so they remain stable. This harness comes in black, white, red, pink, blue, and purple.

The double strap style allows for anal play while wearing the harness, and also creates some cute butt cleavage. This style also allows you to fit snugly in the harness, and for it to remain fitting you even if your weight fluctuates, or to potentially fit a partner. I've found this harness very comfortable to wear on its own, or on top of leggings or underwear. Given how comfortable it is, someone could pack with it, or use Pete to pack a little more securely. Joque thrusts extremely well, and follows your hip movements perfectly due to the snugly fitting straps. Since it is made of fabric, vulva-owning users will be able to feel every thrust they make- which can get a shade distracting. (Cock-owners may want to check out the Deuce harness.)

This harness can be used with a double ended dildo, such as the Tango, as long as you slide the inner fabric to the side. When using a typical dildo, this fabric covers the base of the dildo to avoid chaffing. There are two spots for bullet vibrators, these are mostly for the person wearing the harness though the receiver may feel some faint vibrations. Joque can be hand washed, or in a washing machine with delicates. 


Size A:
Belt- 20-50 inches
Leg Straps- 10-16 inches

Size B:
Belt- 35-65 inches
Leg Straps- 14-24 inches

Diameter- 1.25-2 inches
Circumference- 3.92-6.28 inches

The Joque comes in a lovely storage pouch, and comes with a one-year warranty. All in all this is a comfortable and flexible harness, and would make a great first harness.

Grade Breakdown: 93

Value: 3/5
It's certainly pricey, 
if you can snag one on sale somewhere certainly do that.

Aesthetics: 15/20
The all white one is pretty sexy,
the other colors I'm fairly 'meh' on.

Pleasure: 75/75
Intended Functionality: 5/5
Lovely harness.
Reusability: 20/20
Can easily clean any bodily fluids or lube off of it.
Best Functionality: 50/50
As a play harness,
I can't think of any functional drawbacks.

Thanks Spareparts!

FTC: Spareparts provided Sex Toy Review Land withe the Joque free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Little Rooster

For today's review I'll be looking at the Little Rooster, a vibrating alarm cock. As always, click any image to see a larger version!


With thirty different levels of vibration to wake you up, the Little Rooster can rouse any vulva owner from sleeping. This toy is made of hard plastic, and is worn completely externally in a pair of panties. The flat base rests against one's pubic bone, and the vibrating stem against one's labia. The toy stays in place surprisingly well, and does not move even if one moves a lot while sleeping. The Little Rooster has both a play setting, to be used like an average bullet vibrator, and an alarm mode to wake one up.

Though the Little Rooster certainly makes waking up more pleasant, it does not make it any easier. The toy starts off at the vibration level you choose, increasing in intensity over time, and remaining at the highest level you specify for eight minutes before shutting off and beeping. At any point during this, a snooze button can be pushed and all vibrations will cease for ten minutes. For myself, having an orgasm that close to waking up just puts me back to sleep. Luckily, this toy is also excellent in its own right. The first twenty-six levels of vibration are almost silent, making this a great choice for anyone who wants to subtly engage in public play. As the Little Rooster stays in place, even while thrusting, it can also be worn with some harnesses, such as the Joque. This was my favorite use of the vibrator, as other bullet vibes must be put in pockets and thus have their vibrations dimmed, the Little Rooster can go directly between the harness and flesh.

The Little Rooster recharges via USB connection, and can be cleaned by wiping it down with a toy cleaner or warm water and soap. Be sure to avoid cleaning the open port, and not to fully submerge this vibrator in water. This toy comes with a thorough and clear instruction manual, and also a small storage bag.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 3/5
$69 each, or $269 for six ($45 each)
$45 is the perfect price for this toy,
and if you have five friends who are down, definitely do that.
At seventy, if you're really into the concept,
and think it'll work for you, it may be worth it.

Aesthetics: 17/20
It's sleek, and the purple version is pretty.

Pleasure: 72/75
Intended Functionality: 2/5
Fun way to wake up, unfortunately didn't keep me up.
Reusability: 20/20
Easy to clean, can be used in many different situations.
Best Functionality: 50/50
Being used with a harness.

FTC: Gallus et Mulier provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Little Rooster free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Monday, May 20, 2013


For today's review, I'll be looking at the Siren by Pleasure Works. As always, click any image to see a larger version!

 With RodeoH Brief:

The Siren is a fairly typical silicone dildo, and it comes in purple and black. It has a pronounced head for p-spot or g-spot stimulation, and is o-ring harness compatible. The wide base may make it harder for people with smaller hands to grip this toy. The silicone is fairly tacky feeling1 and attracts quite a bit of lint.

As this dildo is on the thin side, an inch and a half width, it works well as a beginning p-spotting or g-spotting dildo. It only applies a little pressure to these spots though, so if you're looking for a more intense feeling, God's Immaculate Rod or the D1 would work better. Although it has some flexibility, it's not squishy, making it excellent for anal play. With its simple design, the Siren thrusts rather well. Most will want to use a water-based lube, as this dildo has quite a bit of drag without it, and may be painful. Though I found this toy fun to use with other partners, it was a shade too dull for my own solo use. If it had a squishier material or pressed against my g-spot more firmly, I would have preferred it far more.

This dildo is easily cleaned via boiling, or hand washing with warm water and soap. The Siren comes in a simple cardboard box and plastic bag, neither of which are adequate for storage purposes.

1 Tacky as it is, it did pass a flame test indicating that it is pure silicone.

Grade Breakdown: 82

Value: 3/5
This is a bit steep for this dildo, 
were it on sale for $30, it'd be worth it.

Aesthetics: 16/20
Overall it's fairly simple,
though the purple has some pretty swirls.

Pleasure: 63/75
Intended Functionality: 3/5
For anyone who wants penetration.
Reusability: 18/20
Cleans easily, is versatile.
Best Functionality: 42/50
Thrusting- unless you have small hands.

Thanks EdenFantasys!

FTC: EdenFantasys provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Siren free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

Sunday, May 19, 2013


For today's review, I'll be looking at the Halo by Happy Valley Silicone, in the Fuze line. Click any image to see the larger version!

 Size Comparison:

This squishy silicone matte plug by Fuze is the second Happy Valley Silicone plug I've reviewed, and once again, I wanted to like it far more than I did. The Halo is made of a high grade silicone1 which is rather flexible and comfortable, making it comfortable to wear for extended periods of time. The small ridges all over the plug hold lube well. Dimension-wise the Halo is 1 3/8'' by 4'', so it is on the longer side. This ensures that the plug stays in place, and I have yet to have it pop out during orgasm.

The base of this plug is a ring and either a finger or bullet vibe can be used as a flange. Be sure to place something in the ring so that an emergency room visit isn't necessary. Most bullet vibes should fit, I found Jimmyjane's Little Chroma to just fit while stretching the ring a bit. All of the Fuze plugs have this design, with a ring for a flange. This is particularly brilliant as it allows for boiling the toy on its own, and for effective vibrations to be easily added.

Though the bendy aspects of the silicone make it comfortable to wear (especially for long periods of time), they do not make it easy to insert. I often found when inserting that the long stem would bend and make insertion difficult. The pleasure plugs with a rounded tip were far easier to insert, and I would recommend starting there if you're new to butt plugs.

If you're interested in a plug that's similar to the Halo, but want something slightly easier to manage, Fuze also offers the Hero and Whirl. Hero is like the Halo but smooth, and Whirl is a smaller version of the Halo.

1 Passed a flame test.

Grade Breakdown: 69

Value: 3/5

Aesthetics: 11/20
Though the shape is pretty, the matte black isn't nearly as cute as other HVS plugs.

Pleasure: 55/75
Intended Functionality: 3/5
Reusability: 19/20
Can be boiled sans vibrator.
Best Functionality: 33/50
As a long-use plug, which works great once inserted.

Thank you Fuze!

FTC: Fuze provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Halo free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.