Friday, November 29, 2013


For today's review, I'll be looking at the Alien by Damn Average. As always, click any image to see a larger version!


Size comparisons:
(God's Immaculate Rod, Leo, Satin)

This gorgeous beast is the first of the Damn Average set I'll be reviewing. Aliens can be custom ordered, or chosen if in stock.1 Colors and firmnesses are customizable for all Damn Average toys. For color, any solid color (including metallic and glow-in-the-dark) or two-color marble is included in the custom cost. Additional colors, fades, gradients, and stripes can all be purchased as add-ons. For firmness levels, there is hard, soft, and super soft. Damn Average runner, Sheep, describes hard as being comparable to salami, soft as partly stale gummy candy, and super soft as similar to Bad Dragon's soft. Though I agree with the first two, I found the super soft a little softer than Bad Dragon's soft. With this Alien, I went with soft, which was definitely the right decision, and what I'd recommend. The soft was gentle enough so that none of the barbs caught or caused later soreness, and it was firm enough to appreciate all the bumps and ridges.

I preferred this toy for vaginal use, it's ridges massaged my vaginal walls, and the base is great to grind against. The ridges also make for fabulous thrusting, and can invoke squirting. However given the small base and short length of the dildo (five and a quarter inches), the base becomes slippery rather easily, and harder to thrust quickly with. Personally, I found it too textured for anal play, but if inclined, it does have just enough of a base for safe anal play.

As with any pure silicone toy, the Alien can be boiled clean, hand washed, or cleaned with a toy cleaner. Damn Average's silicone is a complete lint magnet, and requires cleaning pretty much right before use. I found a few random pinprick sized raised bumps, but these didn't have any negative impact during use.

1Right now there's a gorgeous soft indigo/black marble in stock, someone needs to buy it.

Grade Breakdown: 92

Value: 5/5

Aesthetics: 20/20
This is such a super gorgeous tight marble.

Pleasure: 67/75
Intended Functionality: 4/5
Reusability: 17/20
Best Functionality: 46/50
My only function-based complaint
is that the base doesn't work well for fast thrusting.

Thanks Damn Average!

FTC: Damn Average provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Alien free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC.

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