Sunday, December 29, 2013


For today's review, I'll be looking at the Cucumber by Damn Average. As always, click any image for a larger version!

 Size Comparison (Devil and Cush):

If you're having trouble eating enough daily vegetables, this dildo probably won't help, but it'll definitely be a more fun way to consume cucumbers.1 There are four Cucumbers in stock currently, and there is a hiatus on custom-made creations. The Cucumbers can come in near natural coloring (it has a lovely glimmer), or can be any solid color, glow in the dark, metallics, stripes, etc. This toy was actually molded from a homegrown cucumber, and has a small dirt base. Though in soft and super soft, the toy can't stand2, the base does work for easy grasping, harness play, and safe anal insertion. 

The Cucumber is on the long and slim side of things, with most of the circumference at six inches, the top portion is around four, while the insertable length is at seven and a half inches. The simple design is great for thrusting, and the toy gently inserts. For myself this is a great warm-up dildo before moving to bigger toys. There are a few minor raised pinprick bubbles on the Cucumber, but it's nothing that interferes with its functionality.

My Cucumber is cast in the super soft firmness, which is a little softer than Bad Dragon's soft. Although I didn't find this too soft for the Orc, it was a little too soft for this toy, and I'd recommend going with soft or hard. Soft is comparable to slightly stale gummy candy, and hard is like salami- though bendier. The super soft was too floppy for me to use anally3, and even when using vaginally, the Cucumber needed to be inserted halfway before any thrusting was possible. This degree of softness also dials back the textures, which is unfortunate for this model as the Cucumber's bumps would be far more exciting in soft or hard. On the bright side, the super soft is the squishiest silicone I've ever tried, and thus I was able to painlessly use it while sore and menstruating. If you're into play related to falling asleep with a toy inserted or being awoken with one, the super soft is squishy enough for comfy sleep play.

At this point, you may be thinking that you should just buy a natural cucumber, as they are a fairly cheap veggie, and worst case scenario, you'll be out fifty cents4. However, with an edible cucumber you wouldn't be able to safely engage in anal play or easily attach it to a harness. For vaginal use, you'd need to use condoms to ensure hygiene. Finally, even if you found the perfect cucumber, it would still perish. If you're curious about vegetable play and have a vagina, that would be a good place to start, but for a long term toy or another orifice, you'll want to go silicone.   

1The only other silicone cucumber I've found is this wine cork.
2The jury's still out on if it can stand with a hard firmness.
3 Which is very disappointing, as I bet this would make a fabulous anal dildo and double-penetration toy.
4Or more perhaps if it's organic/depending on where you live- hopefully you're not from Falkland.

Grade Breakdown: 84

Value: 4/5

Aesthetics: 17/20
The light shimmer in the green and brown 
keeps this toy from being dull.

Pleasure: 63/75
Intended Functionality: 4/5
Reusability: 14/20
This one collects even more lint than the other DA toys,
it needs the most bath time.
Best Functionality: 45/50
Comfortable penetration even when sore,
the shape and super softness were both conducive to this.

Thanks Damn Average!
FTC: Damn Average provided Sex Toy Review Land with the Cucumber free of charge for an honest review. Though links have been used, this has not altered any of the opinions stated within the review, and does comply with the FTC. 

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